CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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