don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
