I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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