My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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