She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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