I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
