a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
