Sry I called you an 8
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
