Kiss
Puke
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
