I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
