Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
