So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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