My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
