Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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