oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
