You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
