you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
