Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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