Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
wow bdsm is so cute
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
