Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
