I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
