Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
