D3 body, D1 cock
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
