I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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