Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
