did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
