I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
