EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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