On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
