just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
