take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is wine microwaveable?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
