So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
