Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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