I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
