I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize