Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
