Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
