just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
