i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He better not be in your backpack
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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