Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
