so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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