I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
