oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Shame is for Republicans.
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