I can tuck mytits in my pants
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
