We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
