Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
