I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
