she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
