This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize