he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
