I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
