Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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