I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
