my mouth tastes like poor choices
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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