So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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