she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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