My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
