we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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