So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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