you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize