I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
