I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
