I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
