I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
