dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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