1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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