she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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