If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize