not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
