update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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