We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
