I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
