Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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