I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
