I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
